


A Heart Beats at Midnight

by Trashcanakin



Series: Trash's 2019 Bingo fills [9]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: (shhh we'll get there), Bucky Barnes Feels, Don't copy to another site, FRIDAY's sass, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Mutual Pining?, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Tony Stark, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Slight Awkwardness, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, but not the bread, can be read as slightly team cap critical, how tf ya tag in this bitch, inner turmoil monologuin' in the wee hours of the night, let these boys be happy, soft 'n good, wow this is soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-07 07:32:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18406034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trashcanakin/pseuds/Trashcanakin
Summary: Bucky & Tony share a non-moment and grow a little closer. Or a lot. Yes, definitely a lot.





	1. Not a Moment

**Author's Note:**

> [I'm sorry my summaries are so bad rip]
> 
> For TSB: K5 - Past Tense
> 
> \---
> 
> This will be a short chaptered fic, with equally short chapters. Set aside for my many various Bingos. This chapter is all over the place, but it's supposta indicate Tony's thought patterns. Hopefully it reads that way 🙃 
> 
> As usual, I ain't really a writer, but I'm doin' my best 😂 
> 
> Not beta read, feel free t'point out grammatical errors :)
> 
> \---
> 
> I ain't really a writer an' have a crazy life, so updates will be sporadic an' not on a schedule.

The compound was quiet, eerily so. Tony was in his workshop, mind flying in every direction, yet nowhere in particular. He couldn't focus. Not on his personal projects, not on the piles and piles of paperwork Pepper so graciously left him, not on sorting out accords issues, not even on fixing the gear and weapons his team needed upgrades on.

 _Weapons_.

No matter the cause, no matter how much time has long since past, the word still left a stale and bitter taste in his mouth. But it was necessary, and he would continue telling himself that. _The threat was imminent._ They were _necessary_.

Maybe he could get his thought patterns to sort themselves out on their own if he could just stop them from trailing back to one thing in particular. One single happening, or maybe not happening. Probably for the best if it was a not-happening; but that was precisely the problem, wasn't it?

The moment with Barnes. God, we are _not_ calling it a _moment_. Maybe they held each other’s gaze for too long, maybe they hovered in one another's presence long enough for onlookers to assume something more was going on. But there were no onlookers, only the two of them. Just them and that moment. The moment that was very much not a moment. With Barnes.

 _Barnes_.

_“Call me James, please, Tony,” Barnes._

Fuck, how did Tony land himself in this mess? Sure, the Rogues were back, for nearly five months now, complete with their shiny pardons and “ _The world needs us, Tony, and so do you,”_ What the fuck do they know?

But Tony did need them, or rather, the World needed them. Together. Stronger together, always. That’s why Tony agreed. Agreed to let them once again live at the compound, _his compound_. Where once family resided, now only an illusion, a massive hole filled with a sticky miasma. A miasma that was thick with false care, broken trust, but a bittersweet fragrance that drew you in, deeper and deeper; suffocating all you know and forcing its falsities far into your chest.

_Family._

Family didn’t turn their back on you, didn’t break your trust, didn’t hurt you; but didn’t it? It can.

But it _shouldn’t._

Family was supposed to be there for you, to have your back, to _care_.

Barnes cared.

Or so he said.

 _Barnes_.

Of all the Rogues who came back, how is it he felt the closest to Barnes. He had attachments to all the rest, memories, fondness, relationships, _trust_. But I guess that’s just it, isn’t it? Trust can be broken, attachments can be torn apart, fondness can fade, and memories can be stained with lies and blood. He and Barnes never had that to begin with, there was nothing to break. No memories to taint, no lingering fondness to disperse amongst the ashes of a better time gone by, no trust to shatter like glass. He and Barnes had nowhere to go but up.

But I guess they just as easily could’ve gone nowhere. Just left the entirety of their interactions in the shadows of awkwardness, in avoidance of contact, in an unstable commitment to turn away every time they came too close.

But they didn’t.

And that’s just the thing, isn’t it. Sure, they dodged each other every chance they could when the Rogues first came home, sure they made it point never to be in the same room as the other unless absolutely necessary, or accidentally for the few very brief seconds it took for one of them to create some grand excuse and bolt from the room. _Sure_. But that was _months_ ago, and only lasted a few weeks, at best.

It only took one night.

One terribly sleepless night, haunted by broken memories, twisted into a monster that tore sleep right away from Tony’s mind. One dreadful night which had Tony staggering to the common room at 3:27 am for a caffeine fix, in hopes it would keep him from more restless and painfully sad excuses for dreaming. One night where he saw Barnes across the room, sitting at the table, staring back at him with equally troubled eyes, shrouded in darkness with only the light of the moon glinting ever so softly across his skin. Barnes shook, but only slightly. If you weren’t actively searching, you’d miss it, but Tony was looking, wasn’t he? Peering back into the eyes the same as his.

 _Haunted_.

That night changed everything.

That night, _they talked_.


	2. Things Left Unsaid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony & Bucky take a walk. Things are said, yet unsaid. It's soft.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For BBB: C1- Holding Hands & WIB: N1 - Midnight Walk.
> 
> \--- 
> 
> Not beta read, feel free to point out grammatical errors! Thanks so much for readin'! 😊

Still unable to concentrate, Tony sighed, exhausted and irritated. He just wanted to get some work done, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Barnes.

 _James_. 

He should call him James, now.

It’s the least he could do since he was asked so politely during their not-moment. James _._ Yes, he could do that, he could call Barnes, _James_. James was a good name, better than Barnes; a whole truckload better than “Bucky.”

Breathe, Tony. You’re never going to get anything done.

“Fri, what time is it?”

“It’s 11:49 pm, Boss,” FRIDAY responded instantly, as always. His baby girl was the best, she never confused him, always kept him on track. Perfect.

“Is anyone else awake?” He questioned.

 _Are the Rogues awake_ went unasked, but FRIDAY knew what he was really asking. There was always someone or another running around the compound. Tony didn’t mind if he happened upon any of them, but on certain nights, most nights, he tried to avoid the Rogues. _His Team_.

“The Widow and Rogers are still away on a mission, the rest of the Rogues are asleep, Boss,” FRIDAY replied, tone the tiniest bit Vexed. Apparently Tony wasn’t the only one still a little put off by his teammates, though it is only natural. FRIDAY was his child, she loved him, protected him. Just as _they_ should have done.

“And...James?” Tony hesitated, “ _Barnes_ ” instinctively wanting to fall from his lips. Saying Barnes was easy, it was indifferent, it didn’t show any signs of closeness, but they _were_ close. They were friends, now.

 _Friends_.

That’s one step closer to _family_.

God, Tony didn’t want to fall down that rabbit hole again. Only, that’s a big fat lie, because he did; and he would do it willingly. He would dive headfirst into that crater, because Tony was weak. He wanted closeness, he wanted trust, he wanted companionship. Wanted _Love_.

And Barnes? _James_. James was all of that.

Well, maybe not the last bit. That’s ridiculous.

There wasn’t a moment. God, shut up!

“-oss. Boss!”

Tony snapped out of his trance, finally breaking free from his captivating thoughts. Dirty thoughts they are, anyways.

“Yeah, Babygirl? Sorry, I was distracted.”

“I did notice that, Boss. I answered your question, but I’ll be kind and repeat it, as you so rudely ignored me the first time,” her words were sharp, but the fondness in her artificial voice stated otherwise. She did love to pick on her dear creator, didn’t she?

“You’re the best, Fri. Truly the sweetest AI on the block.” He sassed back, adoration mixed with sarcasm, mouth tilting upwards in a grin.

“You flatter me,” she cooed. “Sergeant Barnes is awake, in the common room. It appears as though he is unable to sleep, but at this hour it is quite typical of him,” if Tony didn’t know any better, he’d say she sounded annoyed. But Tony did know better, and FRIDAY was definitely more displeased, but only at the notion that James was unable to sleep most nights, just like her Boss. She grew quite the adoration towards James.

Tony could understand. He was rather partial to the other man, himself.

“Thanks, Fri. I’m going to step outside for a bit.”

“Sounds like a good plan to me, Boss. Some fresh air might do you good!” she beamed.

“Well don’t you just have a pep in your artificial step?” He huffed, smirking. 

“I don’t know what you mean, Boss,” If she had a face, she’d be smug. She sounded smug.

“The sass on you, I’m not sure I like your tone.” Tony narrows his eyes, he knew she could see it, but he couldn’t hide the small smile that formed.

\---

Tony made his way up from the lab, planning to avoid the common areas, avoid _James_. It’s not that he doesn’t _want_ to see the other man, he does. He really does. It’s that, he’s a coward. Yeah, a big fat coward. He’s just going to sneak off into the night, get some fresh air just like FRIDAY said, gather the thousands of rude little thoughts and compile them back into something that makes sense. He can do that, then he can get back to more important things. Like science! And inventing! Literally anything other than emotional stuff and _feelings_.

Feelings? Who said anything about that?

Get it together, Tony.

He made his way to the compounds backdoor easily enough, skipping the common rooms entirely; he didn’t even run into anyone else, it was really all too easy. The doors even opened for him automatically. Automatic doors, ingenious.

When they slid open, Tony halted in his steps. It was a shock, and he felt his heart flutter in his chest; because there, standing on the back porch, was James.

Tony silently cursed FRIDAY, he didn’t teach her to lie! Naughty child. As if picking up on his very thought patterns, FRIDAY’s voice spoke up into his earpiece.

“To be quite fair, Sergeant Barnes _was_ in the common room when you asked, Boss. I must have forgot to mention he was currently heading towards the back door.”

Smug!

James looked towards Tony when he heard the door slide open, an impossibly soft look in his eyes.

“Hey, Tony.”

“Hey! Yup, hi. I, uhm. Hello.” Tony averted his eyes, in embarrassment? Maybe. What kind of reply was that, Tony?

 _Get. It. Together_!

James smiled tenderly and chuckled, and quite frankly, it was really too much for Tony. How dare he look so gentle.

“Glad to see ya outta the lab.”

“Oh, yeah, well you know. Can’t stay down there forever.” He remarked, a coy smile on his face, averting his gaze once more.

James let out a little huff, “Yeah, I suppose not. It’s nice to see ya, Tony. What brings ya outside?”

“FRIDAY says I should get some air? You know how she worries about dear ‘ol dad.”

“That sounds more like a question.”

“You’re right, it does!” Tony stated, throwing his hands to the side in a shrug. “Alright, so maybe it was my idea to step outside, but Fri definitely said the thing about the air.”

“Thought so,” Bucky said with a smile, voice low and soft. Calming, really. Tony couldn’t help but to grin himself.

James’s smiles were truly a blessing, and the longer he’s been at the compound; the more he started to share them. Watching the other man recover, grow, and finally start coming out of his shell was the highlight of Tony’s time back with the Rogue Avengers. Well, not at first, but you know. Semantics.

“I was about to take a walk,” he paused, “If you want to join me? I wouldn’t mind the company. Though if you’re busy, it’s fine!” Tony said, rushing the last bit.

“That sounds nice,” James replied, soft and warm, smiling fondly at the other man.

\---

They walked in peaceful silence for a while, taking in the crisp night air and listening to the sounds of the city off in the distance. Street lights glowing, paving their way through the paths around the compound. It would be completely serene if Tony’s heart would quit that obnoxious beating in his chest. He risks a glance towards James, wondering if the other was feeling at all the same. If he was, it wasn’t showing.

James turns his gaze towards Tony, lips upturned into a small, yet fond smile. He continued to stare, tenderness illuminating his eyes.

 _Soft_.

When their eyes met, they didn’t look away, yet also didn’t move, as if held in the grasp of an invisible force locking them into place. Almost as if neither of them wanted to break the silence, in fear of ruining this tranquility they have. They’re lost in each others orbit, and Tony’s heart is definitely pounding harder now.

James glances down, but Tony can’t tell at what; clearing his voice quietly. An emotion flickers in his eyes, just slightly, but Tony can’t quite place that either. He appears to be contemplating something, brows furrowing the tiniest bit. Tony bites his bottom lip, wondering just exactly what it is that’s going through James's mind right now. He’s anxious, feeling too warm. Sometimes he wishes he could read minds, others, not so much. Being able to know what everyone was thinking would ruin the surprises!

Surprises.

Tony _hates_ surprises!

Finally finding his confidence, James reaches out slowly and softly brushes Tony’s fingertips with his own, metal on flesh, a perfect contrast. The initial contact sparks something inside Tony’s chest, like a bolt of electricity shot him through to his core. His heart stammers, and he can’t look away.

After what seems like an eternity, James curls his fingers around the other man’s, gently swiping his thumb in small circles; and finally looks up to meet Tony’s eyes. That same painfully fond expression firmly in place.

“Tony,” he says, almost a whisper. “Thank you.”

God, James was _beautiful_. Not even because the light of the moon is shrouding him in a halo of silvery glow, making him look like a goddamned angel, but just because he simply _is._ His personality, the way he holds himself, his courage, being able to bless the world with his smile even after everything that he’s gone through; everything that was taken from him, his sincerity, honesty...

God, Tony was gone on him. In so deep he may as well have dug the hole himself, before letting the shovel of emotions bury him six feet under. It was suffocating, this realization; but maybe not unwelcomed.

Hesitating for only a moment, having to force himself to remember how to function, ‘less be lost in the others gaze for an eternity, he spoke,

“Oh, for the walk? Yeah, no problem Robocop.”

“For this. For everything.”

Tony blinks, and his fingers twitch.

James squeezes Tony’s hand, and continues, there’s more he needed to say,

“Tony, ya make me feel calm when the world is screamin’. Ya always have. You’re brilliant, an’ I wouldn’t have made it as far as I have without ya.” James speaks with sincerity, affection emanating off each syllable.

Overwhelmed with emotions, Tony inhaled a shuttered breath. He wanted to reply, but he couldn't find the words. James just smiled down at him, squeezing his hand once more.

“Ya don’t hafta say anythin’, Doll. I jus’ wanted to say it. I had to tell ya. My head? It’s all a mess upstairs...but you help. So, thanks.”

Tony shook his head in reply, finding his words once more.

“You’re welcome. I, uhh..you help me, too. You know?” It was a tad too much, staring into those blue eyes, seeing the affection rooted deeply in them; _knowing_ that it was directed at _himself_. He couldn't spare another second searching for the if’s, maybe’s, and could be’s within’ their depths, so he averted his gaze. It was hard to breathe, but nothing hurt. How long had it been since nothing hurt?

He chanced another glance back towards the other, an invisible cord tugging him back in, and James grinned.

 _God he was beautiful_.

James stepped up beside Tony, twining their fingers together, testing to see if Tony would pull away. He didn’t. They shared another glance, comfortable silence befalling them once again. Silence save for their heartbeats, drumming loudly, mingling as one like an orchestra of vehemence.

It was all too much, yet entirely not enough; but neither commented on it regardless. There were more words to be said, but not now, not yet.

In this moment, they were fine letting the sounds of the city, the light of the street lamps and the moon, and the feelings they shared, unspoken; yet understood, wash over them. It was warm. Pleasant.

They walked back to the compound, hand in hand.

Maybe surprises weren’t all that bad.


	3. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky & Tony have a well needed chat. It's an emotional rollercoaster!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For BBB: Y1 - Warm and Fuzzy Feelings & WIB: N4 - Confession
> 
> Not sure how, uh, 'warm 'n fuzzy' this is, but   
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> \---
> 
> Not beta'd, feel free t'point out grammatical errors! 
> 
> Thanks so much for readin' an' all the lovely comments! Y'all are superstars! 💛 
> 
> Feel free t'come talk t'me on Tumblr @Trashcanakin

They finally made their way back to the compound, hands still interlocked, a warmth spread over them even in the crisp New York air. They stopped in front of the door, but didn't let each other go. Tony turned towards James, and met his eyes.

His gaze was still unbearably soft, still full of tenderness, yet there was a vulnerability to them not present before; like he was afraid for this moment to end. It made Tony’s heart ache. He felt a pull towards James unlike any before, like being there with him, by his side, was _right_. Like there wasn’t anywhere else in the world he should be, but here under the moonlight, hand in metal hand, together with James.

But there _were_ other places he needed to be, responsibilities he had to handle, other people who required his expertise; and as much as it pained him to end it, their quiet and gentle moment couldn’t last forever.

Tony cleared his throat, glancing down at their entwined fingers. More because he couldn’t bear to see the potential change in James’s eyes when he stated he had to go, than that he just _really_ loved looking at hands. It hurt, the “what-if’s” of life.

_What if they never get to share anything like this again?_

“I, uh… I have to get back to the lab, Snowflake,” Tony stated, a heaviness in his voice he hoped the other wouldn’t pick up on.

“Okay.”

Tony unlocked their fingers, but still kept hold of James's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. He peered back up into the other's gaze, and offered a sympathetic, yet kind smile; small and soft. It spoke volumes to James, and he smiled back, trying his best to hide the sadness within them; but Tony saw through it.

They always saw each other. Not the facade, not the mask, but the men underneath. How is it Tony never noticed before? That James had always looked at him, _saw_ him; right down to the root, to his very core. He knew that James was seeing _Tony Stark_ , and had still wanted to stay, to stand by him; to _hold his hand;_ to look at him with nothing but complete affection and admiration...It made him very overwhelmed. 

Tony didn’t think he deserved it, but he _cherished_ it.

Breaking the silence became harder and harder every second they continued looking at each other. It was so easy to get lost in those crystal blue eyes, so easy to let himself be taken by them.

_Easy_.

Nothing about what came next was _easy_.

"We should do this again, sometime,” Tony said, words sliced through the tranquility they shared. A certain finality in his tone, yet still had left hope for more to come. It hurt anyways. Tony hadn't _wanted_ it to end there, but what else was he to do? Everyone always pestered him about “ _responsibilities, Tony,”_ and this was him, being _responsible_. So why did he feel his heart ache with a pang of guilt?

_Guilty_.

Tony was used to feeling _guilty_.

“Yeah, yeah we should. I would like that,” James replied, genuine and soft. _Always soft._ But his eyes couldn’t hide the twinge of hurt enclosed in them.

“Yeah, good. Great, even!” Tony exclaimed, his hands clapped together, abruptly, the contact with the other man broke in a flash. He felt instantly colder. As if a creature of ice breathed down his neck and sucked all the warmth from inside him. It _hurt_.

Unable to fathom another minute of this anguish, he turned towards the door; but still couldn’t bring himself to take a step.

“You, uh, you gonna come inside?” He isn’t even sure why he asked, but something tells him it’s because he would do almost anything not to have this end so quickly.

James stood silently for a few seconds, the answer Tony was dying for, inevitably delayed. He could feel James’s eyes on him, despite not facing the man, and once again, his heart sped. He doesn’t understand why he feels so anxious.

Why he fears he may have _ruined_ something.

After what felt like an eternity, James finally responded,

“No, you go on ahead. I think I’m gonna stay out here for a little longer, Doll,” He didn’t sound upset, but Tony could feel the melancholy on the wind like a second skin.

“Yeah, alright,” Tony took his first steps towards the door, once again they opened for him without being prompted. He sent a silent ‘thank you’ in FRIDAY’s direction; which was everywhere, just like his conflicted feelings.

He hesitated in the doorway, his hand rested on the side panel, and peered over his shoulder back towards the other man.

“Hey, James?”

He waited for the other’s reply, watching him from where he remained still as he hovered in the doorway. James looked up at him and their eyes met, his brows raised just the tiniest bit.

“Yeah?”

“You know, you’re welcome to come to the lab, with me. If you want, that is,” His lips upturned shyly, yet hopeful.

James grinned, eyes seemingly illuminated with eagerness, joy.

_Beautiful_.

“Yeah, okay.” James sprung up and headed towards Tony; the melancholic aura in the air wafted away just ask quickly.

They walked to the lab, side by side.

\---

For a while, James just sat on the ratty old couch Tony kept in the lab, content to watch the other man work. Even though they hadn't really talked much since they arrived, it was still nice. There was a chaotic sense of calm in the lab that wasn’t present in the rest of the compound, something that was utterly _Tony_ , and James let himself be captured by it. Simply basking in the lights, the whurrs and beeps of the bots, and Tony.

But all good things inevitably come to an end, don’t they? That didn't necessarily mean bad things would soon follow, perhaps _better_ things, even.

But James grew _bored_.

He enjoyed when Tony worked, that he got to watch, he did, but he loved it when they talked, even more, and after what happened earlier that day, and the closeness they shared during their walk; _he wanted_.

He gathered up his courage and stood from his seat on the couch, headed toward Tony with determined poise.

_He could do this_.

He had to.

And even if it all came and crashed down in his face, he wouldn’t regret it. Or maybe he would, who’s to say, really?

\---

Tony heard him walk up and turned his head to the side, and glanced at the other man, a smile breached his face.

“Hey Freezypop, tired of sitting alone lurking in the corner?” He said with a wink and a grin.

“It ain't my fault ya put the couch in the corner,” he replied, with a grin of his own, mouth tilted up on one side. “What’re ya workin’ on?”

“Oh, you know, just some R&D stuff for SI. Pepper says it’s important, and you know Pep, if she says it is, it probably is!”

James chuckled, a wide smile staked claim to his face, “Yeah, I’m sure she’s right.”

Tony swiveled in his chair, turned toward James with a wide grin; his eyes alight with mirth. “Mhmm, you bet!”

Their eyes met again, and Tony’s breath hitched. There was _something_ in James’s gaze that nearly stalled his heart, it bore into him, locked him into place. All the happiness remained, but there was a fatal gentleness to them. Tony couldn’t help but stare, heart once again shocked into overdrive.

James really had to stop making his heart work harder than a racehorse, he had a condition!

James blinked slowly, a small, tender smile formed its way onto his lips, and Tony swallowed. He couldn’t breath, his heartbeat thrummed in his ears and he _couldn’t breath!_

“James,” he said, barely a whisper. He felt like his entire body vibrated inside. He had so much love in his heart for this man.

_Love_.

Oh shit! Tony was _in love with James._

As if he noticed Tony’s distress, James reached out slowly and delicately took Tony’s hand in his own, soothing circles rubbed across the man’s knuckles.

“Tony,” he said, calmly. Fondness dripped from his ever pore, it surrounded Tony in a wave of affection. He wanted to bolt, but he was hard rooted where he sat, he couldn’t move if he tried. James’s stare held him into place. He knew what James was going o say, but he wasn’t sure he could handle it!

“I…” Tony started.

“Shh. Let me do this, Sweetheart,” James said, a low baritone of confidence.

Tony swallowed again, but nodded his head allowing the other man to continue.

“Tony, these past few months have been probably the best in my life, that I can remember anyways, an’ I owe _so much_ of that to you. It’s crazy, really; lookin’ back at where we started, an’ where we are now,” he closed his eyes and snickered, his head shook slightly, face broaken with a grin, before he opened them once more and locked his gaze back with Tony’s.

“You deserve it, James, every bit of it!” Tony proclaimed with certainty.

That brought another wide grin to James’s face, his eyes to crinkled at the corners; but he continued on, he needed to say this, to get it all out, for Tony to _know_.

“And I appreciate it, Tony, honestly. God, even the fact that ya can sit here with me, lettin’ me hold your hand, an’ look at me the way ya do; it makes me happy. _You_ make me happy, Tony.”

“You, uh, you make me happy, too, James. But...I don’t know if I can do this,” Tony inhaled a shaky breath, and looked away, the eye contact was too much.

James squeezed his hand again, compassionate and soft. It _hurt_ , but he wouldn’t push.

“That’s fine, Doll. I’m tellin’ ya how I feel ‘cause I want ya to know, but Darlin’, I would never make ya do anythin’ ya don’t want.”

“I do! I, I want this. I do, It’s just...I’m scared, James.”

James stared back into those brown eyes, and his own softened, “Ya ain’t gotta be.”

“No, I know that, Freezypop. It’s just, you know; so many people have come into my life, and they always leave. _Always_. For some reason or another, and maybe it’s selfish of me, maybe it’s justified, I don’t know. But it _hurts_. Losing people hurts, James, and I don’t want to go through that again, I can’t. Maybe? I don’t know. After Pepper left, I honestly didn’t think I would ever feel anything again, for anyone,” his words were rushed, emotions high, anxiety higher, it ran rampant through his veins like a bull on the loose.

James looked at him, soft smile still in place, empathy washing over his features; he understood.

“I...I’m scared.” Tony averted his gaze, locked his eyes onto James’s hand instead. His fingers still clutched in the other's, while small circles continued to be rubbed onto the back of his hand. Tony shifted, and locked their fingers together instead. As frightened as he felt, he still couldn’t bear to let James go. The mere thought of if James had left sent a physical pain into his chest. It hurt.

Tony was tired of hurting.

James hummed quietly and looked at their hands, seemingly understanding that, even though Tony was scared, it didn’t mean he didn’t want this. Slowly, he knelt to the floor, which made Tony taller than him from where he sat in his work chair, and peered up, their eyes brought back together.

_God, he adored this man_.

“I know you’re scared, Hell, I’m _terrified_ ; but I can promise, a thousand times an’ again, that I will _always_ choose you. An’ even if ya don’t feel the same, I will continue to choose you.”

Tony’s heart nearly stopped. James spoke with such conviction he wanted to believe the words instantly. James’s eyes always gave him away, and Tony _looked_ ; he could get lost in them, easily, like his eyes held all the answers to every secret Tony feared. He searched them; and asked for a promise.

_And he found it._

“Tony, I am so in love with you I can’t stand it. An’ ya made today the best day of my life, without even tryin’. An’ no matter how ya feel, at the end of the day, that isn’t gonna change.”

A single tear formed in Tony’s eye and slid down his cheek. He was happy, _so happy_ , and he smiled. James mirrored him with one of his own.

“I...I love you, too, James.”

James closed his eyes and inhaled slowly; both their hearts stammered in their chests, utterly out of whack, yet completely in sync.

He reunited their gazes once more.

“Can I kiss ya?” James asked, bold, yet shy at the same time.

Tony only shook his head, _yes,_ he wanted to say, but didn’t trust himself to speak. He was scared, but he _wanted_.

With their hands still linked together, James brought the other up and caressed Tony’s face, gently, _lovingly_ , and wiped away the remnants of the stray tear. He smiled sweetly before leaning in, bringing their lips together at last. It was soft, yet resolute. A tender press, showing Tony exactly how James felt about him, all the Love and adoration out on display for him to soak in.

_James loves him too._

And just like that, all his fears, his anxiety, it rushed right out of him, faster than a lightning strike during a storm. The kiss was perfect, in every way. Tony was filled with warmth from head to toe, elated, he burst with emotion. If he couldn’t have anything else in the world, he wanted this.

If he could only have one thing, he would choose this; choose _James_ , every time.

This felt like _home_.


End file.
